Happy Angelversary, Sweet Baby

My sweet angel,

3 years ago today, we lost you forever. Time passes so quickly but I never stop wondering who you would’ve become. I will always be sad that I never got to hear your heart beat or see that first little picture of you…but I will always be grateful that I got to be your mama, if only for a short time.

You’d be about 2 1/2 now, which is such a fun, curious age. I see pictures of children that were born around the time you would’ve been, starting nursery school and growing so quickly. I think of the little girl in my dreams with her blond hair & big blue eyes and wonder if you would’ve really looked like that. You’d be my little partner-in-crime & dancing buddy. We’d be teaching you all about sports & protecting you from this crazy world we are in. I will always wonder what life would’ve been like with you in it. Oh, how different everything would be…in the best possible way.

But that is all I can do…wonder. 3 years have somehow gone by and nothing has ever been the same. Your daddy & I don’t talk much these days but I know somewhere deep down, he thinks about you. I know you two would be best buddies & you’d have him wrapped around your tiny fingers. You changed him as much as much as you changed me…in ways neither of us ever imagined. I have spent a large portion of these last few years going through the motions, trying desperately to be the person that I was before we lost you…but I’ve come to realize it will never be the same. You changed me forever…and I couldn’t be more thankful.

I don’t speak about you as much because I’ve come to realize that a lot of people don’t really understand. I suppose it is hard to imagine how something that was with you for such a short time can make such a big impact…and be loved so much. So I keep my conversations just with you; hopefully you can hear me. I’ve always wanted to be a mommy & for a couple of months you made that possible. I don’t know if it will ever be possible to give you a living brother or sister but that only makes my time with you that much more special.

Please give great grandma & grandpa big hugs & kisses for me and keep taking good care of Coco. Come visit me in my dreams again soon 💗

Love always & forever,

Mommy