To my sweet angel baby,
Another year has some how gone by and just like that it’s already been two years since we lost you forever. Nothing has been…or will ever be…the same. Not one day goes by that I don’t wonder who you would’ve been. Would you be the little girl that appeared in so many of my dreams? Would you have had my sassy personality…to match your daddy’s big blue eyes? I see children that are about the same age as you would be – and it makes me very sad. You see you’d be about 18 months old now – walking, trying to talk, learning & exploring everything and anything you could get your hands on. We’d be teaching you all about wrestling, football, and Yankees baseball. So when I see those children, I can’t help but think of you and wonder what life would be like. I know you would be the most adorable baby, full of personality & an absolute joy to all of our lives.
I would literally give anything to have you in my arms but I will always be grateful for the short time that I had with you. I have some regrets about things played out but you made my dream of becoming a mommy come true…and I will cherish that forever. You will always be my miracle and I will never forget you for as long as I live. I take comfort in the little signs you send me – please keep them coming & continue to watch over me. Be good for great-grandma & grandpa – and be nice to Coco! Miss you always.
And just like that…it’s that time of year again! Summer Shred 2019 officially kicked off today and will run until May 22, which is right before my birthday…and Memorial Day weekend! This is my 5th year in a row doing this and I swear every year the diet gets easier to follow. Last year my whole world was upside down and, as a result, the shred didn’t pan out. My head wasn’t in the game…at all. I followed the diet but I didn’t workout, and without both the results just won’t happen. I ultimately ended the shred before the 30 days were up and I wasn’t even phased – I even went as far as to purchase a one-piece bathing suit. This year, I’m going to try my damndest to fight through every mental obstacle I have and get it done. I want to be healthier and I want to feel more confident on the beach…and in life. It’s going to be an uphill battle – but I need to do this. My stomach is still relatively flat and my weight has stayed pretty much the same so the physical goals for this shred are simple: to gain back some of the muscle that I lost & lose body fat. But really, this is so much bigger than a beach-body challenge for me this year. After being through hell & back, all I can hope for with this challenge is to not just get my body back…but to get my mind right again once & for all.
L – 2017, my “best” body / R – now
If you’d like to follow along on this 30-day summer shred, I’ve listed a shopping list below of the foods that I will be eating. Keep in mind, this is what works for ME. I will try to post here and on my Instagram so as to provide more guidance if you’re following. However, if you’d like a more customized plan or have any questions as to what foods will work in addition to what I’ve listed, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will be more than happy to help!
- Egg muffins
- Brown rice, quinoa, or sweet potato
- Banza (chickpea pasta)
- Chicken, ground turkey, lean pork, tuna
- Turkey jerky
- Veggies (kale, asparagus, mushrooms, string beans, zucchini, brussels, eggplant, peppers, etc)
- Almonds, cashews
- Cottage cheese
- Quest Bars
- GoMacro Bar
- Unsweetened vanilla almond milk
**Not listed here are my kitchen staples (balsamic vinegar, spray/oil, hot sauce, mustard, spices, etc.) as well as my protein powder /BCAAs. Also not listed, Apple Cider Vinegar. My day will always begin with an ACV cocktail – 1 tbsp of ACV mixed with 12oz of cold water.*
Time to be better than what I thought was my best!
Merry Christmas, baby. This would be your very first Christmas, filled with lots of presents and fun. You would be just about 8 months old now. I would’ve loved to have been able to bring you to Macy’s with your daddy to see Santa and watch your eyes widen with the sights and sounds of a NYC Christmas. I would’ve dressed you in the prettiest red dress and little headband. You would’ve been a big hit with everyone – especially your grandma. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday – but this year just doesn’t feel right. That’s because you’re not here – and so the day is incomplete. There is no other gift I’d love to have more than to be holding you. I can only dream about singing Christmas songs & dancing with you or watching Christmas movies with you. It hurts to watch other babies and children, knowing you should be here too. I hope great grandma is taking good care of you, as she always did for me, and that she’s spoiling you rotten on this your first Christmas.
Love always & forever,