Happy Angelversary to My Angel Up Above

To my sweet angel baby,

Another year has some how gone by and just like that it’s already been two years since we lost you forever. Nothing has been…or will ever be…the same. Not one day goes by that I don’t wonder who you would’ve been. Would you be the little girl that appeared in so many of my dreams? Would you have had my sassy personality…to match your daddy’s big blue eyes? I see children that are about the same age as you would be – and it makes me very sad. You see you’d be about 18 months old now – walking, trying to talk, learning & exploring everything and anything you could get your hands on. We’d be teaching you all about wrestling, football, and Yankees baseball. So when I see those children, I can’t help but think of you and wonder what life would be like. I know you would be the most adorable baby, full of personality & an absolute joy to all of our lives.

I would literally give anything to have you in my arms but I will always be grateful for the short time that I had with you. I have some regrets about things played out but you made my dream of becoming a mommy come true…and I will cherish that forever. You will always be my miracle and I will never forget you for as long as I live. I take comfort in the little signs you send me – please keep them coming & continue to watch over me. Be good for great-grandma & grandpa – and be nice to Coco! Miss you always.

Love,

Your mommy

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Happy Birthday, My Angel

Happy birthday, my angel baby 👼 This week would have been your first birthday. I’ve struggled to write this, more so than usual. It’s been really hard going through daily life without you in my arms but I know you’re watching over us…so I try to be strong.

You see this would’ve been your first birthday, the first of many celebrations…none of which we get to have with you. I wonder everyday what life would be like with you here – what your laugh or cry would sound like, what your smile would look like. I think of how we would be teaching you all about baseball & wrestling…watching you take your first steps and say your first words…taking you to the beach or zoo…dancing around the house & singing in the car…seeing you discover new things everyday. You would be my very best friend and, if my dreams were accurate, you’d be your daddy’s mini-me.

As time has passed, I find myself crying less but not one minute of the day goes by that you’re not on my mind. Every time I see your dad, I see you. You changed us both in so many ways & you will always be a part of us for as long as we live. I am so thankful to have been given the gift of being your mom – I hope that I can make you proud. Give hugs & kisses to your great grandma & grandpa for me (and Coco too!)

I love you and miss you always ❤️

Mommy

An Angel for Christmas

Merry Christmas, baby. This would be your very first Christmas, filled with lots of presents and fun. You would be just about 8 months old now. I would’ve loved to have been able to bring you to Macy’s with your daddy to see Santa and watch your eyes widen with the sights and sounds of a NYC Christmas. I would’ve dressed you in the prettiest red dress and little headband. You would’ve been a big hit with everyone – especially your grandma. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday – but this year just doesn’t feel right. That’s because you’re not here – and so the day is incomplete. There is no other gift I’d love to have more than to be holding you. I can only dream about singing Christmas songs & dancing with you or watching Christmas movies with you. It hurts to watch other babies and children, knowing you should be here too. I hope great grandma is taking good care of you, as she always did for me, and that she’s spoiling you rotten on this your first Christmas.

Love always & forever,

Mommy